let that be a lesson to us all. watch your contractor, lest he foist pine upon you like the cheap bastard that he is.
originally at: http://www.marriedtothesea.com/011309/double-check-the-work-order.gif
20.1.09
evils among us: knotty pine
sent to me by alert roommate M, we have the following astute comment on the use of pine in cabinetry:
let that be a lesson to us all. watch your contractor, lest he foist pine upon you like the cheap bastard that he is.
originally at: http://www.marriedtothesea.com/011309/double-check-the-work-order.gif
let that be a lesson to us all. watch your contractor, lest he foist pine upon you like the cheap bastard that he is.
originally at: http://www.marriedtothesea.com/011309/double-check-the-work-order.gif
19.1.09
answering questions: why is my apartment so ugly?
i have, on occasion, had a friend come over to my house for the first time and start exclaiming about how homey it is, how lived-in, how settled. they feel a little better when i explain my job, but they're also usually surprised at what a short time we've lived there, and that most of the furniture is either hand-me-down or found on the street. they lament that their place is lacking, and get a vaguely uncomfortable look on their face if we ask what's wrong with it. they don't quite know. i know this feeling, and i know what causes it. i call the affliction... dormroomitis.
i know, i'm so original. whatever.
dormroomitis is characterized by a general feeling of nomadishness and ikea-failure in an apartment that, when looked at item by item, shouldn't be so embarassing. have you ever gone home with someone (something i have never done, clearly) and been struck by how incredibly unremarkable their place is? anyone in their mid-20s could be living there.
there's a mostly respectable sofa with some coffee stains on it, and an inexpensive wood or black-metal-and-glass tv stand with a bunch of DVDs on the shelves. there's a pile of books next to that and a jumble of wires from the stereo, and a one-color burbur carpet from home depot that is matched quite nicely with the sofa (snore). the walls are blank, there may be a droopy potted plant, and if it's a girl, you've got some throw pillows and perhaps a framed poster of an art nouveau fairy. in the bedroom there's a full size (maybe a queen, you lucky dog) bed on a visible metal frame with some under-bed storage containers peeking out. the closet door is never closed, there's a big pile of clothes in the spot where a hamper would make sense, and a neat pile of seldom-used items like suitcases and a surf board just chillin' in the corner. in all, the apartment looks messy even when it's neat.
did i just describe your house? are you seeing it through the eyes of that questionable decision you brought home last thursday? it's ok, it's not your fault. it's difficult to navigate the leap from an actual dorm room to a grown-up house with kids and a dog. that kind of sparseness in a place is understandable when you're 22, but by the time you're 28 it's starting to carry a bit of the flavor of mom's basement.
let me provide you with a map for this difficult journey. behold, the five best ways to treat dormroomitis:
1. paint your walls. i know that lots of people don't want to deal with the hassle of repainting when they move out, but let's be realistic for a mo. you're living there minimum 12 months. repainting takes 4 hours. unless you have fabulously colorful and interesting stuff or else fabulously all-white furniture and accessories, this is the number one reason why your apartment looks like you just dropped your stuff after signing the lease and have been going about your business ever since. because in a way, you have. so i repeat, despite the repainting hassle, paint your walls, you lazyass. if all else fails, your super repaints for you if you're willing to fork over $300 of your deposit.
1a. do not paint an 'accent wall' unless it's actually the focal point of the room. tv shows have perpetrated the lie upon an unsuspecting public that this is the best way to look designer-y. most accent walls end up looking like a sad accident. if all your stuff is pointed at it, or it's the back of a cool little nook, rock it out. otherwise, beware the accent wall.
2. find some cool paintings at a flea market, buy some photos on ebay, or make your own. even get some empty frames and hang those in an oh-so-ironic move. whatever it is, hang interesting things on the walls. you'll get some impact from framed posters, yes, but the real way to make a difference is to ask yourself, "could this be purchased, framed, in the basement of the student union at my local university?" if the answer is yes, and you adore it anyway, then hang that puppy. if it's yes and you feel lukewarm about it, put it on your curb and go find yourself a weird set of masks to hang. it'll feel instantly like your house.
2a. large paintings and framed art are expensive as hell. a large collection of small things on the wall, however, looks fantastic and personal. either hang them (with sewing pins, even!) haphazardly in a lovely jumble of postcards and photos and chinese fortunes, or else line them in a rigid grid so that the mix is emphasized.
(that's my old kitchen in my teeeeeny studio. homey, no?)
3. nothing tells your visitor 'i'm worthy of seeing you unclothed on a regular basis' like being able to care for a living object. sadly, my living objects (cats) make it impossible for me to have the decorator's choice of living objects, plants and green things. they make it look like you enjoy living in your house. if you choose to grow herbs, they make everything smell nice, are tasty in omelettes, AND look pretty. however, if you have pets who turn your happy plants into jagged piles of raggedy leaves with little piles of leaf-vomit nearby, just skip it. your visitor will have to content themselves with the decorative properties of cat hair.
4. real storage, people. go ahead, use your old target bookcase. it's useful. but make it look like it's there on purpose - paint the back of the shelves (use some of those little sample paints from the hardware store), or hotglue some ribbon to the edges, or even leave it as-is and scatter some objects like framed photos and neat boxes on the shelves next to the books. put your ugly piles of things in baskets on shelves, which will move with you and are worth the $10, i swear. they can make your giant piles of awful look nice without minimal effort. and hang some shelves. they help with making those blank walls look nicer, plus it gets things off the floor.
5. rugs: have them. go for something interesting. but for god's sake, all contemporary-abstract patterns or psudo-ethnic patterns are bad news bears. and long shag, while delicious underfoot, gets very hair-filled very fast. shag is not a friend to vacuums.
more to come...
i know, i'm so original. whatever.
dormroomitis is characterized by a general feeling of nomadishness and ikea-failure in an apartment that, when looked at item by item, shouldn't be so embarassing. have you ever gone home with someone (something i have never done, clearly) and been struck by how incredibly unremarkable their place is? anyone in their mid-20s could be living there.
there's a mostly respectable sofa with some coffee stains on it, and an inexpensive wood or black-metal-and-glass tv stand with a bunch of DVDs on the shelves. there's a pile of books next to that and a jumble of wires from the stereo, and a one-color burbur carpet from home depot that is matched quite nicely with the sofa (snore). the walls are blank, there may be a droopy potted plant, and if it's a girl, you've got some throw pillows and perhaps a framed poster of an art nouveau fairy. in the bedroom there's a full size (maybe a queen, you lucky dog) bed on a visible metal frame with some under-bed storage containers peeking out. the closet door is never closed, there's a big pile of clothes in the spot where a hamper would make sense, and a neat pile of seldom-used items like suitcases and a surf board just chillin' in the corner. in all, the apartment looks messy even when it's neat.
did i just describe your house? are you seeing it through the eyes of that questionable decision you brought home last thursday? it's ok, it's not your fault. it's difficult to navigate the leap from an actual dorm room to a grown-up house with kids and a dog. that kind of sparseness in a place is understandable when you're 22, but by the time you're 28 it's starting to carry a bit of the flavor of mom's basement.
let me provide you with a map for this difficult journey. behold, the five best ways to treat dormroomitis:
1. paint your walls. i know that lots of people don't want to deal with the hassle of repainting when they move out, but let's be realistic for a mo. you're living there minimum 12 months. repainting takes 4 hours. unless you have fabulously colorful and interesting stuff or else fabulously all-white furniture and accessories, this is the number one reason why your apartment looks like you just dropped your stuff after signing the lease and have been going about your business ever since. because in a way, you have. so i repeat, despite the repainting hassle, paint your walls, you lazyass. if all else fails, your super repaints for you if you're willing to fork over $300 of your deposit.
1a. do not paint an 'accent wall' unless it's actually the focal point of the room. tv shows have perpetrated the lie upon an unsuspecting public that this is the best way to look designer-y. most accent walls end up looking like a sad accident. if all your stuff is pointed at it, or it's the back of a cool little nook, rock it out. otherwise, beware the accent wall.
2. find some cool paintings at a flea market, buy some photos on ebay, or make your own. even get some empty frames and hang those in an oh-so-ironic move. whatever it is, hang interesting things on the walls. you'll get some impact from framed posters, yes, but the real way to make a difference is to ask yourself, "could this be purchased, framed, in the basement of the student union at my local university?" if the answer is yes, and you adore it anyway, then hang that puppy. if it's yes and you feel lukewarm about it, put it on your curb and go find yourself a weird set of masks to hang. it'll feel instantly like your house.
2a. large paintings and framed art are expensive as hell. a large collection of small things on the wall, however, looks fantastic and personal. either hang them (with sewing pins, even!) haphazardly in a lovely jumble of postcards and photos and chinese fortunes, or else line them in a rigid grid so that the mix is emphasized.(that's my old kitchen in my teeeeeny studio. homey, no?)
3. nothing tells your visitor 'i'm worthy of seeing you unclothed on a regular basis' like being able to care for a living object. sadly, my living objects (cats) make it impossible for me to have the decorator's choice of living objects, plants and green things. they make it look like you enjoy living in your house. if you choose to grow herbs, they make everything smell nice, are tasty in omelettes, AND look pretty. however, if you have pets who turn your happy plants into jagged piles of raggedy leaves with little piles of leaf-vomit nearby, just skip it. your visitor will have to content themselves with the decorative properties of cat hair.
4. real storage, people. go ahead, use your old target bookcase. it's useful. but make it look like it's there on purpose - paint the back of the shelves (use some of those little sample paints from the hardware store), or hotglue some ribbon to the edges, or even leave it as-is and scatter some objects like framed photos and neat boxes on the shelves next to the books. put your ugly piles of things in baskets on shelves, which will move with you and are worth the $10, i swear. they can make your giant piles of awful look nice without minimal effort. and hang some shelves. they help with making those blank walls look nicer, plus it gets things off the floor.
5. rugs: have them. go for something interesting. but for god's sake, all contemporary-abstract patterns or psudo-ethnic patterns are bad news bears. and long shag, while delicious underfoot, gets very hair-filled very fast. shag is not a friend to vacuums.
more to come...
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